Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
