i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
