Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
