I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
