and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize