1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
