I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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