I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
