I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
