redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
