Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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