No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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