You work out of a Hotel?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
