i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
