I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
