ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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