I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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