Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
