haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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