genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
