just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
