dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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