I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
