My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
