If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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