there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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