God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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