Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
