I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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