using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
