Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
