??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
