it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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