i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
is it fun? or sober?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
