Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
