I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize