I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We are all done wearing pants today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
