Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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