Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
