Umm I'm too high to move.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
