There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
