So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
