I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
farters have to be the big spoon...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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