Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
