I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
