It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUCK WHALES
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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