I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
