Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
