so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
