I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
