so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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