Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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