Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
