I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
