i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
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