i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
