It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
