Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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