our cab driver is having phone sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
