Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
