piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dick very happy bro
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize