There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
