I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
