There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
