some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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