his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
