Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
