what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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