I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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